Not quite sure what they did when they up graded the server but what a mess they made of ‘the crusty sandwich.’
Give me a few days to sort this mess out. I have to fix my email and my Mother and Fathers email.
Ewww!
Stunned, the chef discovers that there isn’t a cake—the party planner, a darling of the society set, was so overextended with other parties that he forgot to have it delivered. With his heart racing and only an hour or so until the cake-cutting ceremony, the chef comes up with a desperate plan…
You can count on the Chef to pull some fool out of the deep end.
Finicky couples, missing cakes…chefs explain why catering a wedding is often more stressful than any job in a restaurant kitchen.
Good news. Food scientists are on the decline. Lets hope their marketing fails as well. Food is not and never should be a science. If you tamper with it it is no longer food.
However, the number of food scientists is declining worldwide. According to an article in Confectionary News, numbers are down in Australia, South Africa, the UK, and elsewhere. In the U.S., it is a common misconception that food scientists are the same as chefs.
First up some good news
It would seem that the self diagnosed gluten intolerant customers out there have realised what a curse being a legitimate celiac actually is and have resumed their normal diets as I have not had a request for gluten free bread for over a month now.
Now. “Why the healthy choice is really just a big waste of time”
I think for an example of a dish that gets constantly messed with ‘personalised/fucked up’ it should be Eggs Benedict. I have prepared it since I started my cooking career way back in the dark ages. In the last few years I have seen it butchered by cooks and clients a like. I don’t understand it? No matter what I do I can’t seem to fuck it up. I have cooked it that many times it is like taking a shit for me, absolutely second nature and just as boring. One of the most fascinating modifications that clients make is the subtraction of butter from the bread or muffin or what ever the owners wife thinks the dish should involve.
?????????????? The sauce is at least 50% butter???????????????
But that doesn’t matter. No true. Even if you have no butter and no sauce it is still possibly deadly.
You see when a chef has to slow down and piss around for an individual we get angry! Angry because the individual are effecting the other customers who have come out to eat well and effecting the chef as he has to stop what he is doing and concentrate on you.Â
Angry chef + your food = food full of hate.
Happy chef + good customer = good healthy food
You know what fuck it ! If you mess with the menu you are a foodtard! And this chef will ensure you get a good looking meal that is average at best on the inside!
A kitchen is a production line. Go and ask Toyota if you can have your paint on the side or Nike if you can have extra sole fitted to your Airforce Ones. Hang on I will save you the trouble they will sayÂ
No.
And to the dickstick who orderedÂ
Just eggs. Scrambled. No milk or cream in the mix
It was me who didn’t put the avocado on the plate and had I known what you said to my girlfriend
you know what if its too hard I bought some avocados this morning. I can go and get them if you want.
I would have verbally pushed your nose through the back of your arrogant, abnoxious, ignorant fat head.
What kind of idiot orders no cream or milk yet has sauteed mushroom and cheese on top. Today Mam you are the luckiest human on the planet. Your fat head doesn’t know it. But your hips do! There was sooooo much butter and oil in your mushrooms it was not even funny. My years of experience have taught me I can bind it all together with a little Worcestershire sauce and water and a very quick tossing of the pan to form a light looking and very tasty sauce. And the cheese was a Mozzarella and tasty mix, both high in fat.
Fool!
Hell hath no furry like a fucked off chef!
Imagine the delight of two chefs early this morning finding an advertisement in a Gold Coast paper that read,
Me: Give me this clowns number.
Mel: 555XXXXX
Me: Yes! I am gettting him out of bed!
Clown: Hello
Me: I am ringing about the job you have advertised.
Me: (Cutting clown off) How much does an exceptional chef get paid?
Clown: That all depends on what you can do.
Me: I am exceptional I do ever thing. I have forgotten more about food than you will know about anything. So how much does and exceptional chef get paid?
Clown: Seven hundred dollars clear.
Me: Good luck.
Hey clown you get what you pay for! Exceptional chefs are now in the minority. I have seen two exceptional chefs leave the industry this year alone with many more planning their exit strategies. I am staying in the industry as I will own my own catering service of some description and it is easier and cheaper watching new restaurateurs make the mistakes.
In fact hospitality staff are leaving the industry in droves sick of the above attitude and the attitude of an increasingly rude public.
The best thing about today was calling every chef past and present that the two of us know and getting them to say exactly the same thing.
Its great watching the tables turning faster and faster. I love user pays!
Also of interest Not always right.
Tags: Chef, Hospitality, Clown, Catering, Otherside, Turning tables
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